his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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