..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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