I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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