You smell like a Billy Joel song
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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