i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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