Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
