I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
As shirtless as possible
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
