girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
