your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
