I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Can I color on your dick again?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
