ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
