I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
