hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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