yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
