i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
