there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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