you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
