he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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