the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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