How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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