he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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