The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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