She is in my trunk
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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