Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
