Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
