First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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