he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
