yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
