***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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