she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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