She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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