Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
