No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
