Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
