Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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