just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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