Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
