oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
