Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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