We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
