why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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