11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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