he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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