it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
