hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
