i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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