I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
