Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
