??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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