Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
