Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
