NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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