Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
