Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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